One of the things that I took for granted before I moved to New York was the luxury of privacy. It was fairly attainable most places, but my favorite was probably my car. I'll start by saying I miss my car more than I ever thought that I would. I have always loved my car. And I've always loved driving, but I thought eventually I would get over it. Nope. Not now and it doesn't seem ever. I miss my Vibe every single day. One of the things that I love about driving is the fact that I can go anywhere and listen to whatever I want and when the weather is nice I can open the windows and sing at the top of my lungs. It is one of my favorite things to do. And I always feel so much better after I do it. But alas, no car in NYC. One day when I can afford it. The day I can afford it will be the day that it happens. You think I'm kidding.
So...without my car and the "luxury" of public transportation I've settled for my iPod. It will do. So you get it. I miss my car. But let me get to the crux of what I want to talk about--privacy on the subway...or really lack thereof. Because there are so many people in this city the idea of privacy doesn't really exist. So...when people get upset at each other they talk about it. In front of you. And when people want to stick their tongues down each other's throat you might as well grab the popcorn because you have a front row view. It's amazing to me how people could care less about everyone else watching in on their most personal and intimate moments.
Today I was riding the subway down to the village and this girl got on and sat next to me. She was flipping through a book that it seemed someone had given her. I will tell you that I wasn't staring at her, but it's impossible to not realize what's going on with everyone around you when you're in such close quarters. Anyway, all of a sudden this girl had a meltdown in the subway. She pulled out a tissue, bowed her head, and bawled her eyes out. It was so sad. She was so vulnerable in that moment. I resisted the urge to put my had on her back and tell her that it would be okay. She would think I was nuts. Maybe that is nuts. Regardless, I would be lying if I said I didn't have the urge to do it. I just wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. And she's not. But that's the thing with this city--there are so many people that sometimes it is just too much. And you feel nothing but lonely. The type of lonely that just sits in your gut.
On my way back uptown this woman started chatting with me up a storm about life, art, and what music was on my iPod. It was amazing. She was so gentle and kind, but so much fun. She was engaging with all of these people on the subway. It was an amazing thing to see.
I don't know what this city hold for me. But I am finding so much more here than I thought I would. Sometimes I have to remember to sit back and allow life to happen. I'm only 22 (almost 23!), but there is so so much ahead of me. I have so much freedom--I can do anything right now! Sometimes I forget that because it feels like everyone around me is settling and figuring it out. It is amazing to me the amount of people I know that are engaged! And the amount of people that have some office job and work from 9-5 everyday. Good for them. I am looking forward to those moments when they come in my life. But for right now I am content to sit back and let life happen. To go for what I want--whatever that may be at this moment. I've been very humbled by this city, and I am grateful for that. I plan to continue to pursue things that will bring me joy and listen to what my heart is telling me. We have to remember that. Who cares what everyone else in your life is doing or what everyone else in your life is telling you to do--what do you want? Listen to your soul. And make it happen. And that doesn't have to be a job or a house...you might just want to pick up and move. Do it. You can't afford it? No one can. And you'll never have enough money so you might as well go now. Your life is worth living--so go live it! Allow yourself to go for what you want. Don't be scared to ask the question "what if"?? You are never too old. It is never too late. These are the days of your life!
No comments:
Post a Comment