A House of Friendship

One of the hardest things about living in New York is being far from some of my closest friends.  I miss their energy on a daily basis--something I am certain I took advantage of when I saw these people all day every single day.

I've been thinking a lot about that word--friend--what it really is and how precious they are to a person's life.  And when I think about it, I think about a house.  So much effort goes into building a house, from the blueprint to the last detail.  The foundation must be laid, the house designed just right, and the location is key.  When you walk into an old house in particular, you can't help but take in the weight of it.  There is a fullness that is unlike any other.  So much work has gone into this house and through many years it has stood the test of time.  It has survived heavy thunderstorms and winters that you thought would never end.  This house protected you and kept you safe.  But...you've done your part too.  A lot of work has gone into this house to keep it in shape because you cannot help wear and tear.

True friendship is like this.  Time, effort, and love go into it.  It will never be perfect, and things will happen that make you worry it won't make it, but even after the harshest storm, there it stands.  Strong.  Solid.  Humbled by the storm

I think that we never stop learning.  And time and time again this is proven to me.  Just when I think I have it, whatever it really is, figured out something happens to make me come back to the beginning and evaluate again.  I appreciate this practice because I feel like it helps us strip away the excess and helps us get to the core.

The same goes for your family too.  They are your home.  As my parents always say--family is all you've got.  So go forth and build and remember that a solid house can weather any storm.

The Shoe That Fits

I spent Labor Day weekend in North Carolina celebrating my one year anniversary with Sam and my birthday.  The weekend was perfect.  Getting to spend time with Sam was incredible.  And seeing friends was such a treat.  It's my first time being out of the city since I moved here.  And since I've been back I have been going over each moment over and over in my head.  The people, the places, the smells, the sights.  Every activity.  Every moment.  The lifestyle of living in a city where the common denominator of transportation is a car in which you decide when you go and how you go about getting from point A to point B.  And when I go over all the things that most people pass by each day my heart overflows. 

Working in retail in New York City is the most soul sucking job on the planet.  It challenges my faith in humanity some days because I am just aghast at how one person can treat another.  And so I have vowed to be the most friendly; the one who is always smiling--trying to provide an example so that we start to treat each other with a bit more respect.  And I don't set an example in a rude way, or in one that I hope to be recognized.  Rather, I would just hope that my vow for blind kindness is infectious because we never know what the other person is really going through.  

These days I'm interested in finding which shoe fits--a harder task than I might have first thought.  I have always given my all and invested in the experiences around me.  And I continue to do that.  And although I appreciate all of the love and support from so many people around me near and far, I am learning that the only person I can listen to is myself because everyone is always going to have a different opinion.  And when I need help or input I will ask because sometimes two heads are better than one.  And on that note let me just say that I do hope you only keep the people around who want the best for you, even if selfishly it might not be the best for them.  

So here's to you and your closet of shoes.  Who knows which one will be the perfect fit...but if you never try it on how will you ever know?

A Bittersweet Life

I've been thinking a lot lately about the idea of bittersweet.  As you all know, Shauna Niequist just released her book, Bittersweet.  Excellent is an understatement.  But the book has really taken my world and flipped it a little.  This passage from her books sums up why:

"The idea of bittersweet is changing the way I live, unraveling and re-weaving the way I understand life.  Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of lightness on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness.

Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and the sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots your teeth and your soul.  Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands.  Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity.  Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy."

As I have read, reread, and read again through this book I can't help but see how true these words are.  When I look at my life, the things that brought me the most happiness came out of bittersweet circumstances.  Because it was through growth that life came.  It was the practice of sucking it up and moving forward on rough days that I realized my strength.  Shauna is right, a life of sweetness rots your soul.  The bitter can be so hard and cut right through you on dark days, but if you can find it in yourself to move forward the satisfaction is priceless, and the reward that much sweeter.

I'm okay with still learning.  I'm okay with not knowing all the answers.  I feel like so many people just want to have it figured out.  I'm not there.  I'm not one of them.  I choose to take my life by each day.  Sucking every last bit of goodness that I can out of it.  On bad days when I'm making my list of 5 things that I'm thankful for I am able to sit back and remind myself that even on rough days good things happen.  But on those sweet days when I could make a list of 15 things that I'm thankful for, I sit back and smile with a heart so full.  And there's the payoff of a sweet full life.

Wherever you are in your life right now take a moment to appreciate that place.  Even if you think that where you are is dark and lonely.  I promise you, you're not alone.  Hang on.  Keep going.  You're one day closer to getting out of the cave you feel you're stuck in.  And if you're in a place right now where life is sweet take a moment to reflect and appreciate this exact moment.  Because there will come a day when hard stuff comes at you--it's life, but remember where you are now and how full that place can be.

"So this is the work I'm doing now, and the work I invite you into: when life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate.  And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."