This day has been a long time coming. Our show closed this afternoon to a house of warm family and friends. I've been with this show for a long time. The opportunity was presented to me in February by Gretchen and Ginny...they were visiting Greensboro and asked me if I would be interested in working on it if it was picked for the Fringe. I was so excited and happily accepted the offer. It was chosen to perform in the Fringe and when I was visiting New York in May we sat down and had our first meeting. And here we are 3 months later.
This show was the greatest gift I could have been given for a few reasons. First, it gave me that nudge to move up as soon as possible. I had a project to be working for and looking toward. Second, it kept me involved in a theater environment, meaning that it kept me working on the not so easy days. Finally, this show just did something to me. I believed in the script and I believed in the actors. It was filled with hope and compassion--and those feelings are electric.
My wish for you is that you always surround yourself with your passion. It doesn't have to be your profession. But what I'm learning is that when you surround yourself with passion something inside of you ignites and inspires you to continue to be the greatest version of yourself. I plan on taking these feelings with me for the next few weeks. And on the days when I'm confused about the direction I'm going I will take a moment to reflect on this experience and all of the inspiration I took from it.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
On Slowing Down
I feel like I've been doing a lot of reflection over these past few months. And in the past few days I feel like that's all that I can focus on. As many of my friends start a new school year at UNCG I can't help but reflect on my time at school. UNCG was an incredible 4 years and in no way do I feel like I should be there this fall. I'm done with school. I've made my peace with the separation. I can feel in my guts that I'm where I'm supposed to be...but it's still weird. It's weird talking to friends when they tell you that things just weren't the same. That it's different this year. It's only when it's "different" that you really appreciate parts of your past. The big things you'll always appreciate--anniversaries, birthdays, graduation. These are big days. We count down to these days--each marking a significant turning point in our lives. What's funny is that even though these things symbol change, change doesn't usually come in these exact moments. Change happens over time. And sometimes you don't even realize it till it's over--or you're so far into it that you realize just the person that you're becoming. What we need to remember is to live in the now; to appreciate even the smallest things. The things that you take for granted because your community of friends is concentrated in one place so grabbing lunch or going to a movie are no big deal.
Currie had his auditions tonight for the fall semester at school. I asked him how it went and what he was doing after and he had told me that it went well and that he was talking to his mom...weird. I love Mrs. T more than most people, but if I were there then Currie and I would probably be together going over every moment of our auditions and making predictions for how it would all turn out. And as more of our friends would finish they would join us and we would analyze, reanalyze, and then probably reanalyze again. I never realized how much I cherished that time until now. There is something so beautiful about a group of people coming together and wanting the best for each other. What a gift. And it passed me right by.
The lesson that I'm learning over and over is to slow down and listen. Give your time and care and love to those who are most important. Invest the time because the gifts you get are priceless. Sit back and marvel at the gift that is presented in front of you--appreciate your bounty and always always remember to say thank you.
Currie had his auditions tonight for the fall semester at school. I asked him how it went and what he was doing after and he had told me that it went well and that he was talking to his mom...weird. I love Mrs. T more than most people, but if I were there then Currie and I would probably be together going over every moment of our auditions and making predictions for how it would all turn out. And as more of our friends would finish they would join us and we would analyze, reanalyze, and then probably reanalyze again. I never realized how much I cherished that time until now. There is something so beautiful about a group of people coming together and wanting the best for each other. What a gift. And it passed me right by.
The lesson that I'm learning over and over is to slow down and listen. Give your time and care and love to those who are most important. Invest the time because the gifts you get are priceless. Sit back and marvel at the gift that is presented in front of you--appreciate your bounty and always always remember to say thank you.
Friday, August 20, 2010
The Subway--Your Business is Everyone's Business
One of the things that I took for granted before I moved to New York was the luxury of privacy. It was fairly attainable most places, but my favorite was probably my car. I'll start by saying I miss my car more than I ever thought that I would. I have always loved my car. And I've always loved driving, but I thought eventually I would get over it. Nope. Not now and it doesn't seem ever. I miss my Vibe every single day. One of the things that I love about driving is the fact that I can go anywhere and listen to whatever I want and when the weather is nice I can open the windows and sing at the top of my lungs. It is one of my favorite things to do. And I always feel so much better after I do it. But alas, no car in NYC. One day when I can afford it. The day I can afford it will be the day that it happens. You think I'm kidding.
So...without my car and the "luxury" of public transportation I've settled for my iPod. It will do. So you get it. I miss my car. But let me get to the crux of what I want to talk about--privacy on the subway...or really lack thereof. Because there are so many people in this city the idea of privacy doesn't really exist. So...when people get upset at each other they talk about it. In front of you. And when people want to stick their tongues down each other's throat you might as well grab the popcorn because you have a front row view. It's amazing to me how people could care less about everyone else watching in on their most personal and intimate moments.
Today I was riding the subway down to the village and this girl got on and sat next to me. She was flipping through a book that it seemed someone had given her. I will tell you that I wasn't staring at her, but it's impossible to not realize what's going on with everyone around you when you're in such close quarters. Anyway, all of a sudden this girl had a meltdown in the subway. She pulled out a tissue, bowed her head, and bawled her eyes out. It was so sad. She was so vulnerable in that moment. I resisted the urge to put my had on her back and tell her that it would be okay. She would think I was nuts. Maybe that is nuts. Regardless, I would be lying if I said I didn't have the urge to do it. I just wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. And she's not. But that's the thing with this city--there are so many people that sometimes it is just too much. And you feel nothing but lonely. The type of lonely that just sits in your gut.
On my way back uptown this woman started chatting with me up a storm about life, art, and what music was on my iPod. It was amazing. She was so gentle and kind, but so much fun. She was engaging with all of these people on the subway. It was an amazing thing to see.
I don't know what this city hold for me. But I am finding so much more here than I thought I would. Sometimes I have to remember to sit back and allow life to happen. I'm only 22 (almost 23!), but there is so so much ahead of me. I have so much freedom--I can do anything right now! Sometimes I forget that because it feels like everyone around me is settling and figuring it out. It is amazing to me the amount of people I know that are engaged! And the amount of people that have some office job and work from 9-5 everyday. Good for them. I am looking forward to those moments when they come in my life. But for right now I am content to sit back and let life happen. To go for what I want--whatever that may be at this moment. I've been very humbled by this city, and I am grateful for that. I plan to continue to pursue things that will bring me joy and listen to what my heart is telling me. We have to remember that. Who cares what everyone else in your life is doing or what everyone else in your life is telling you to do--what do you want? Listen to your soul. And make it happen. And that doesn't have to be a job or a house...you might just want to pick up and move. Do it. You can't afford it? No one can. And you'll never have enough money so you might as well go now. Your life is worth living--so go live it! Allow yourself to go for what you want. Don't be scared to ask the question "what if"?? You are never too old. It is never too late. These are the days of your life!
So...without my car and the "luxury" of public transportation I've settled for my iPod. It will do. So you get it. I miss my car. But let me get to the crux of what I want to talk about--privacy on the subway...or really lack thereof. Because there are so many people in this city the idea of privacy doesn't really exist. So...when people get upset at each other they talk about it. In front of you. And when people want to stick their tongues down each other's throat you might as well grab the popcorn because you have a front row view. It's amazing to me how people could care less about everyone else watching in on their most personal and intimate moments.
Today I was riding the subway down to the village and this girl got on and sat next to me. She was flipping through a book that it seemed someone had given her. I will tell you that I wasn't staring at her, but it's impossible to not realize what's going on with everyone around you when you're in such close quarters. Anyway, all of a sudden this girl had a meltdown in the subway. She pulled out a tissue, bowed her head, and bawled her eyes out. It was so sad. She was so vulnerable in that moment. I resisted the urge to put my had on her back and tell her that it would be okay. She would think I was nuts. Maybe that is nuts. Regardless, I would be lying if I said I didn't have the urge to do it. I just wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. And she's not. But that's the thing with this city--there are so many people that sometimes it is just too much. And you feel nothing but lonely. The type of lonely that just sits in your gut.
On my way back uptown this woman started chatting with me up a storm about life, art, and what music was on my iPod. It was amazing. She was so gentle and kind, but so much fun. She was engaging with all of these people on the subway. It was an amazing thing to see.
I don't know what this city hold for me. But I am finding so much more here than I thought I would. Sometimes I have to remember to sit back and allow life to happen. I'm only 22 (almost 23!), but there is so so much ahead of me. I have so much freedom--I can do anything right now! Sometimes I forget that because it feels like everyone around me is settling and figuring it out. It is amazing to me the amount of people I know that are engaged! And the amount of people that have some office job and work from 9-5 everyday. Good for them. I am looking forward to those moments when they come in my life. But for right now I am content to sit back and let life happen. To go for what I want--whatever that may be at this moment. I've been very humbled by this city, and I am grateful for that. I plan to continue to pursue things that will bring me joy and listen to what my heart is telling me. We have to remember that. Who cares what everyone else in your life is doing or what everyone else in your life is telling you to do--what do you want? Listen to your soul. And make it happen. And that doesn't have to be a job or a house...you might just want to pick up and move. Do it. You can't afford it? No one can. And you'll never have enough money so you might as well go now. Your life is worth living--so go live it! Allow yourself to go for what you want. Don't be scared to ask the question "what if"?? You are never too old. It is never too late. These are the days of your life!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
5 Things
2 years ago I met a woman who told me that everyday I should write down 5 things that I was thankful for--a good practice to realize all that is full in your life. I did it for awhile, and I really liked it, but eventually I stopped. I didn't stop for any reason--I just didn't do it right. I'd write on post-its, scraps of paper, etc. All of these got lost along the way and I never made a true effort to keep up with them.
Well, I was given a journal for graduation and it's been sitting in my apartment asking to be written in. But what to write? Where to start? Do I stop writing in my current journal just to start this one? Do I write in both? And then today it came to me...this will be my 5 thing journal. So now I can practice reflection on a daily basis. I think we are all too busy. I saw "Eat, Pray, Love" the other day and one of the things that was pointed out was that we, as Americans, fill up our calendars too much. So...here's my effort to take 5 minutes of reflection each day. To be thankful for the big and the small--the things that matter to me. That sounds a bit selfish, but it's the truth. I encourage you to do the same. To grab that journal that's been looking at you for the past week, month, year. The one that has collected some dust and doesn't have a true home in your home. Sit down with it, take a moment to just be with yourself, and then write down what it is that you're most thankful for on that day in that moment. Nothing is too small. Nothing too silly.
I would bet this is going to make my day a little bit brighter. To walk around with my 5 things on my list. And I bet it would make your day a little brighter too. And if you need to start on post-its then do it! Stick them somewhere that you'll see them and will make you smile.
Well, I was given a journal for graduation and it's been sitting in my apartment asking to be written in. But what to write? Where to start? Do I stop writing in my current journal just to start this one? Do I write in both? And then today it came to me...this will be my 5 thing journal. So now I can practice reflection on a daily basis. I think we are all too busy. I saw "Eat, Pray, Love" the other day and one of the things that was pointed out was that we, as Americans, fill up our calendars too much. So...here's my effort to take 5 minutes of reflection each day. To be thankful for the big and the small--the things that matter to me. That sounds a bit selfish, but it's the truth. I encourage you to do the same. To grab that journal that's been looking at you for the past week, month, year. The one that has collected some dust and doesn't have a true home in your home. Sit down with it, take a moment to just be with yourself, and then write down what it is that you're most thankful for on that day in that moment. Nothing is too small. Nothing too silly.
I would bet this is going to make my day a little bit brighter. To walk around with my 5 things on my list. And I bet it would make your day a little brighter too. And if you need to start on post-its then do it! Stick them somewhere that you'll see them and will make you smile.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The End Of An Era
Currie left on the 7 am bus this morning to Durham, NC. Just like that he's gone. And I can't believe it. Currie and I are both driven people, but it seems life is driving us to opposite sides of the nation--never to live in the same zip code again. I know, I know--life happens and you never know. He could end up being my neighbor somewhere down the line. But right now my heart just feels heavy. Currie walked into my life at exactly the right time, and just like that we were inseparable. He and I have very different opinions on a lot of things, but we respect each other and value each other's opinion, making this a match made in heaven. I can't help but think that Currie and I came to the end of an era today. And I'll see Currie very soon when I come down to North Carolina, but it will never quite be the same. I think what I will miss most is the fact that he was always down to do anything--nothing was ever too boring for him to attend. If that meant running errands or sitting with me while I packed--the most random things. He always kept me company and we never ran out of things to talk about. And I just can't believe that he left today. It feels surreal. But I have this gut feeling that we're not done yet. We'll never be done.
Currie and Sam and the rest of UNCG head back to school on Tuesday--it's weird and it's not. I in no way feel as though I should be there. I made my peace when I left Greensboro at the end of May. And I was more than ready to graduate, but it's weird that some of the people who I hold closest--Currie, Sam, and others, are all going back to that one place. I never would have thought I would get so much out of school, but I did. I realize how lucky that experience was for me and I can only hope that I find that luck in New York. Fortunately, I have some wonderful people in New York. They are a blessing.
Speaking of New York...AS I AM FULLY KNOWN opened yesterday at the Fringe Festival! I have to say that it was a smash. People seemed to have loved it and I can only hope that we've created a buzz around the festival. I do not perform in it--I run the sound board, but I've been with it since the beginning of the summer.
I'm currently devouring "Bittersweet" right now by Shauna Niequist. I finally received my copy of the physical book (shipping problems--and I preordered!). Anyway, I finally have my fingers on it and I just can't stop reading and rereading. Her words are speaking to exactly every emotion that I'm going through. She is a brilliant writer and I feel like she just gets me. I'm sure many would say that, but I'd have to agree.
So that's where I am right now--I'm doing well--missing some people close to my heart, but thankful for the ones that are close to me. I'm so happy to be involved in a few different projects and I only hope that I can do more. I'm thankful for this season of change because it makes me slow down--to stop and listen and realize just how full of life, love, and grace is in my daily life.
Currie and Sam and the rest of UNCG head back to school on Tuesday--it's weird and it's not. I in no way feel as though I should be there. I made my peace when I left Greensboro at the end of May. And I was more than ready to graduate, but it's weird that some of the people who I hold closest--Currie, Sam, and others, are all going back to that one place. I never would have thought I would get so much out of school, but I did. I realize how lucky that experience was for me and I can only hope that I find that luck in New York. Fortunately, I have some wonderful people in New York. They are a blessing.
Speaking of New York...AS I AM FULLY KNOWN opened yesterday at the Fringe Festival! I have to say that it was a smash. People seemed to have loved it and I can only hope that we've created a buzz around the festival. I do not perform in it--I run the sound board, but I've been with it since the beginning of the summer.
I'm currently devouring "Bittersweet" right now by Shauna Niequist. I finally received my copy of the physical book (shipping problems--and I preordered!). Anyway, I finally have my fingers on it and I just can't stop reading and rereading. Her words are speaking to exactly every emotion that I'm going through. She is a brilliant writer and I feel like she just gets me. I'm sure many would say that, but I'd have to agree.
So that's where I am right now--I'm doing well--missing some people close to my heart, but thankful for the ones that are close to me. I'm so happy to be involved in a few different projects and I only hope that I can do more. I'm thankful for this season of change because it makes me slow down--to stop and listen and realize just how full of life, love, and grace is in my daily life.
Monday, August 9, 2010
An Update!
Where have I been? Honestly, time just flies. I've been so busy with our fringe show, AS I AM FULLY KNOWN that I haven't had time for much else! The show goes up on Saturday and I've been helping to produce it. It's been a good experience and I've learned a lot. I'm also very thankful to have been a part of this production.
Currie leaves on Sunday! Oh my gosh! I can't even believe it. It's been a FAST summer. I feel like he just got to the city, and now here he goes!
I've been reading Shauna Niequist's new book, "Bittersweet"--it is incredible. Do yourself a favor and order it online at www.amazon.com. I've been trying to read it slowly because it's only 250 pages, but it is so so so good.
I'm so excited for "Eat, Pray, Love" to come out! I want to read the book before the movie releases, but it doesn't seem like that will be possible.
So here I am checking in...but I'll be back soon with a much fuller blog of insight! :)
Currie leaves on Sunday! Oh my gosh! I can't even believe it. It's been a FAST summer. I feel like he just got to the city, and now here he goes!
I've been reading Shauna Niequist's new book, "Bittersweet"--it is incredible. Do yourself a favor and order it online at www.amazon.com. I've been trying to read it slowly because it's only 250 pages, but it is so so so good.
I'm so excited for "Eat, Pray, Love" to come out! I want to read the book before the movie releases, but it doesn't seem like that will be possible.
So here I am checking in...but I'll be back soon with a much fuller blog of insight! :)
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