To My Dad on Father's Day

So much has happened in the month since I posted!  And I want to tell you guys about it, but this post is dedicated to my dad.  I will however tell you that Sam has officially moved to New York and we are LOVING Brooklyn!!!

My dad has always been a force--a powerful person who is passionate and strong minded.  So, when people meet my father, they are not surprised that I am the way I am.  As the saying goes, the apple does not fall far from the tree.  But, the thing is, most people usually write my dad off without really getting to know him.  On the surface he is a loud, opinionated, intimidating guy.  A crowd pleaser (or dis-pleaser, depending on the crowd).  A radio personality.  But, if people take the time, they see so much more than that.  He's a teddy bear and loves dogs and cigars more than most things.  My dad has always been an example that it's never too late to chase your dream.  And, that if you keep pounding the pavement, eventually something will stick.  I learned from my father early on that if you want something and you pursue it, eventually you will get it.  My father's passion was contagious to me as a child.  Watching someone who is driven like he is, rubbed off on me.  I know that I am the way I am because of him.  

So, dad, here's to you today.  Thank you for instilling courage, passion, and drive within me.  Without it, I wouldn't have done half of the things I have done in my life.  You have been a guiding light when dealing with victories, but also during times when I have struck out.  Your best lessons have been when I've just missed it, and mourn the loss.  Although those are the hardest times, those are the ones that solidify our passion and drive us to be better.  These are the best lessons.  Thank you for a wonderful childhood filled of love in every different way and unending encouragement.  Thank you for the sacrifices you have made.  You are my biggest cheerleader, my best example and I am so proud of you.  You have taught me to never give up, and that it is never too late to chase my dreams.  Today I acknowledge your gifts, but they are appreciated everyday, and I wouldn't be who I am without you.  Here's to you, Papas Fritas, Happy Father's Day, I love you!

To My Mom For Mother's Day

My mom just came to visit me in NYC.  She saw the apartment I've been living in for the last year and got a chance to see the apartment I'll be moving into in a few weeks.  It was such a special trip.  So, in the spirit of my rockstar mom and the fact that Mother's Day is quickly approaching, I thought it fitting to do some bragging.  My dad says he never brags on his kids.  He lies.  He does, but I like to think he does it in a classy way.  We all love to gush about people we're excited about--we want to share them with the world.  The trick is to find the line of annoyance. Bragging is funny--if done in a classy way it's wonderful--special, exciting--you want to share and spread joy.  But, people easily take it too far and that's where bragging gets its bad reputation.

I think that Mother's Day is often overlooked and that, unfortunately, we don't take the time to tell our mothers thank you for all that they have done for us.

So, to my mom, thank you.  Thank you for the sacrifices you've made for me.  Thank you for the support and unconditional love.  Thank you for putting me first.  You have been such an incredible example to me and I strive to be like you everyday.  You're my role model and best friend and I admire you more than any other woman I know.  Thank you for your hard work, compassion, and strength.  Thank you for never saying "no" and always being up to the task--whether that be finding milky pens (and purchasing a Sam's Club membership) or a 3 hour visit to Ikea on a Saturday night.  I am so proud of all you have accomplished and I think you are superwoman.  On Mother's Day I will celebrate you, but I hope you know that you are celebrated everyday.  I will never be able to express how much I love you.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  I love you!

Spring Fever in NYC

Spring is/almost/has/will spring/sprung.  It's taking its time, but we're all more than ready for it.  We have some great days--sunshine and 60 degrees days, and then we have some not-so-good days--40 degrees and looking like it's about to rain.  Lately, it's been that way--cold; wet; awful.  But, what keeps all of us going is the fact that we've all gotten a little taste of what's next.  Personally, I am so excited.  I haven't wanted spring this bad in a very long time.  And, coming from North Carolina, this shouldn't be a surprise.  I'm craving sunshine and dresses and sitting outside.  It will be here so soon!  

With spring in the air, I am coming upon a whole year of living in New York City!  Whew, time flies.  But it's been an incredible year.  I went after stuff, jumped in, and (for the most part) didn't hold back.  I say for the most part, because I did hold back at first.  I was scared and confused. But I trusted my gut.  

I've always trusted my gut.  

I feel like life has funny way of giving you what you need right when you need it.  You may not always realize it at the moment, but upon reflection things are always clearer.  It's when things are fuzzy and my brain is spinning out of control that I find myself stopping to listen to my gut.  It's what lead me here.  I feel like I have a lot to say about my first year in New York City, but I don't know if I'm ready to say it yet.  And, technically, it hasn't been a year.  I will say that I am proud of myself.  And incredibly grateful for a wonderful boyfriend, my family of cheerleaders who always made me feel like I was in the right place, and the most supportive friends I could have ever wished for.   

I have a lot of lovely things coming up that I am so excited about and want to share--

Sam and I are moving in together!!  Oh me oh my I am so delighted I could just jump up and dance telling you about it!  We'll be living in the most lovely apartment and I don't think we could be more excited.  Our neighborhood is lined with trees and has the cutest shops--here's to small business!!  We're moving into a one bedroom and it's wonderful!  After we've moved in I will post pictures for y'all to see.  With Sam and I moving in, that does mean I'll be saying goodbye to the UWS and my roommate, Julie, which I am really sad about.  Julie and I made this move together and she has been the best roommate.  I am so sad to leave her and will so miss our "stuff"--you know, the stuff you and your roommate do?  For Julie and myself it's long late night chats, "Nurse Jackie", and girly stuff.  

My mom is coming next weekend and I am so excited!  She's the reason that I haven't started packing my current apartment (Mom, I want you to see!).  I have no idea what we'll do, but we'll find something--we're good at that.  I'm excited to take my mom around the city and show her what I've been calling home for the last 11 months.  

The beginning of May is exciting as well--Sam is graduating and UNCG is coming to New York City for their annual Industry Showcase.  I love UNCG more than what's normal, but I just had so much fun while I was there that I can't help but be its biggest cheerleader.  I'm so excited to see faculty and cheer on the Class of 2011.  It's a great group of people and I am so proud to be an alum. 

In June I'm directing a staged reading and I couldn't be more excited.  I have already started work on the script and am thrilled that I'm being trusted to take this on!  I'm excited to create and explore and play.  

Looking ahead to what spring and summer hold I feel nothing less than blessed.  The opportunity to spend time with people and projects that are so very special to me.  I am excited to celebrate and rejoice at life and love and bliss in all its forms.  I encourage you to look into your soul and listen to what you need.  For me the other day, it was a long walk and I came out of it feeling like a new person.  We need to listen to our guts, to what makes us happy and pursue it.  Love and creativity feed my soul and that's what I will continue to pursue.  I hope you find what makes you happiest and go after it with your everything.  If you hesitate, it might just pass you by.  

Finding My Bliss

I've been thinking about bliss for a long while now.  What it is, how it lives in us, and what is drives us to do.  


When I graduated in May, John Gulley, our faculty speaker, spoke a lot about following our bliss.  As theatre majors, our bliss lead us to that moment.  Theatre--art--brought us together.  And that moment, together, was really special.  


Since then, I've been thinking a lot about my bliss.  And here's what I've come to find--


My bliss lives in a lot of different places.  


It lives in art--expression--creativity.  But it also lives in my current job--loving where  I am and working towards more.  It lives in Sam.  It lives in marriage and family.  It lives in traveling.  It lives in job security, a home to call my own, and putting food on the table.  


And that's only the beginning.  


I think sometimes we get scared.  I know I do.  I'm a planner, and so when my heart starts to pull in a direction that I wasn't planning, I get scared.  This last year has been a test in that.  But, what I've learned is that I don't have to give up one thing to welcome another.  


Balance.


I think that we have to listen to what we want, which sounds easy, but the practice of it is sometimes difficult.  We want to make ourselves happy, but not disappoint the people around us.  Here's the truth: true family/friends/allies/mentors will support you no matter what.  Sometimes we have to run hard in the wrong direction to get back on the right path.  


I think we are spending too much time worrying about what's to come instead of living in the now.  After all, we can't control our destiny.  To be selfish and talk about myself--I'm working on co-producing a show right now.  It's a crazy awesome experience, but sometimes I let it overrun me.  The big picture (which is supremely exciting) starts to block what is needed in the now.  Small steps lead to creation.  When I feel overwhelmed I find myself fearful that the challenge is too great--but then I am reminded of small steps.   


I don't think we will ever really find our bliss, and I think that makes us really lucky.  Things change and shit happens--it knocks around what we want and what we need.  All we can do is hold on and trust in our gut.  


So here's to you and your bliss--listen hard--what do you really want? 

‎"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

-Oscar Wilde

Dancing on the Subway

Lately, I've had this urge to dance on the subway.  It comes out of nowhere, really.  A good song comes on and I start tapping my toes.  The beat works it way up my legs into the middle of my body and all of a sudden I am bopping along fighting this urge to dance and sing at the top of my lungs.  Where is this coming from?  I have no idea.  I think it's partly from the absence of a car--the freedom of loud music, open windows, and the feeling that I could drive anywhere.  Ah, that feeling.  I miss it.  There's something about a car that I just adore.  It's weird, isn't it?  When I step back to think about it, it seems weird to me, but I just crave that freedom.  Someday.  One day.  Soon?  Possibly.  But then again, anything is possible.

Today is Valentine's Day, and I'm going to be completely honest, I love this holiday.  People think it's such a scam and a way to single the singles out.  I'm telling you, you're wrong.  I think this holiday is about true love.  Whether that be with a partner,  friend, family, your dog--just celebrate the love in your life--that deep love that is sometimes hard, but so rich in its gifts.  Sam sent me roses today.  Beautiful is an understatement.  Flowers are so the way to my heart.  And honestly, it's not even the flowers, but the thought that goes into them.  Getting flowers when I'm at work reminds me how loved I am.   And when I look at them sitting on my desk I beam.  Literally.  I think the warmth from my face and heart make the room warmer.

Spring is coming.  I could feel it today. 50 degrees and it wasn't even fully dark when I walked out of the office.  It whipped through the city today and I could just feel it in my bones.  I am ready. I love the springtime.  Although autumn will always be my favorite (there's just something about it), spring is a close second.  Spring also means that I am coming up to a year of living here.  Yes, I've still got about 3 months, but oh em gee, it's almost here.  Crazy.  Time flies.  And I am a much different person than I was just 9 short months ago.  Lots of growing.  Lot of beautiful pain--necessary steps to get to where I am.  Crazy how you don't know what you're really going through till you're through it.  Does that even make sense?

The last few weeks I've been on overload.  Going really hard and really fast for a really long time.  I thrive in those situations, but I also realized this time how much I miss when I am living in that lifestyle.  I'm not as present and I don't like it.  I'm working to commit to less things so that I give myself completely when I'm with friends I care about.  It sounds selfish, I realize, but I think it's also fair.  Do you overcommit?  I do.  All the time.  And at the end of the day, it's just not fair.  I think our time is so much better spent when we are fully present and listen to what we need.  It's important to invest yourself in people who will nurture your soul--and also call you out on your bullshit.

Working with Project Rushmore has been lovely lately.  It's been on my mind a lot--I am hoping for such good things to come out of this group.  Everyone is so talented and committed, especially as of late.  Our January readings were nothing less than inspiring--to see so many faces supporting the arts.  It was nothing short of moving.  I'm also working to get a show together with some UNCG alums.  I'm really hoping we can iron out all of the details.  If you have any advice on anything theatre related in NYC I am all ears.  Any tricks are much appreciated.  In fact, if you have any advice about anything I'm all ears.  I am so far from perfect, and I love input from those who are more experienced.  As I get older I become less of a know-it-all and more of a tell-me-your-every-piece-of-advice kind of gal.

Some fineal thoughts--good theatre is worthwhile--expression is worthwhile, you are the company you keep, practice sincerity, realize your worth, and finally, put good out into this world, I know I preach it, but it's true--it is the best thing you can do for yourself.  We need to take care of each other--everyone is fighting a harder battle.

Here's to you and your valentine, whoever they may be--it may even be yourself.  If that's the case, fabulous!  You better treat yourself real nice!  And finally, wherever you are, I encourage you tomorrow on your way to work/school/the grocery you turn on your most favorite song and dance you tush off.

The Pressure is Off..or is it On?

Okay okay okay OKAY!  New blog post.  Here it is!  Fresh and clean in 2011.  Although, I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a wee bit-o-pressure to crank out a "good one" here.  I figure I'll just do what I always do and spit out all of the things that have been swirling on my mind and then you can tell me what you think about them.  Sound good?

Since I blogged last I've done a ton of traveling.  I was home for Thanksgiving, which was lovely.  A quick five days, but I really enjoyed being at home with my family and my dogs.  I literally sat around with them in different areas of my house for five days.  We just soaked each other up and it was lovely.  I came back to NYC and worked for another few weeks and then headed to NC to see Sam.  We celebrated our Christmas together and somewhere between Chicago, New York, and North Carolina my credit card number got stolen.  Again.  So there I was in North Carolina feeling semi-stranded.  I can't really complain though.  At the time when I found out I was with one of my favorite UNCG Professor's--Flan!  One of my favorite things about visiting NC is checking in with him.  I was also able to spend time with Jim, another favorite.  Both great people, and I really enjoy seeing them.  So then after a great few days in NC I headed back to NYC worked and basically unpacked, repacked and headed home to Chicago for Christmas.  I enjoyed driving my Vibe--y'all know how I love to drive!  I also got a new laptop for Christmas!  I cried of course.  And my parent's created a little scavenger hunt for me to track it down.  Needless to say I am in love with this thing and every time I open it, it's like receiving a gift again (thanks Mom and Dad!).   The holiday season was fantastic.  The snowstorm that shut down the Northeastern part of the country was not!  To make a long story short I ended up driving back to NYC.  When people asked how I got back and I told them I ended up driving they thought I was crazy.  I'll admit that it was a bit of a snap decision, but I had to get back!  What other choice did I have?

As I bopped around from Chicago, New York, and North Carolina I couldn't help but think about "home" and how I have multiple.  All three of these places hold very special in my heart.  Each of them possess meaningful people, places, and things.  Barrington, Illinois will always be my home.  It is a very special place to me.  And I love my physical home there.  It is warm and vibrant and a safe haven for me.  North Carolina also feel like home in many ways.  And, slowly but surely, New York is starting to become a home as well.  When we dig in and plant ourselves, we open ourselves up to take places in--to create a home.  If we never dig, we will always feel like strangers.  Do you agree?  Just a thought.  

Last Saturday I met Ingrid Michaelson while I was working at SLT.  I continue to work there a few days a month, and when I was working on Saturday another associate was asking me a question and as I turned around to answer there was INGRID.  Needless to say, I completely fanned out.  I went nuts.  I love love LOVE her music and I just was so excited.  I'm sure she was flattered, but I just couldn't help myself.  I've been fortunate to see quite a few celebrities since moving here, but have had ample time to "prepare" myself.  And truthfully, it's not even that, but moreso the fact that I really connect with her as an artist and her music has really inspired me.  In fact, as I type up this blog she is playing on my computer!  (Having laptop speakers is AMAZING).  She was so nice and I so appreciated her kindness.  It was so cool, and I floated for the rest of the day.

Can I brag on a friend for a minute?  I just want go give a great big HOLLA about my friend Currie!  Y'all know Currie, but do you know he's coming to NEW YORK to audition for "GLEE"--HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA!!!!!!  Currie called me on Tuesday and told me all about how he got a call seeing if he was interested in AUDITIONING for "GLEE"--do y'all get what I am saying?!?!?!!??!?  Well, I burst with tears of joy right there in my office.  Told everyone and have been beaming ever since.  So, in February, Currie is comin' back to NYC to do it up BIG!  Send nothing but goodness his way.  I can't think of anyone I know who deserves it more.

I want to leave you with this excerpt that I read in Real Simple Magazine.  I loved it and wanted to share it with you: "Happiness comes in small moments while you're pursuing the big stuff.  After a while, the small moments become the point.  This is especially true in tough times.  When the world seems to be falling apart, you still have your little touchstones of joy."--Marcia Menter The History of Happiness

It's true, right?  And if we always pursue happy moments then the good stuff will happen.  That is the secret--put out what you want and it will come back to you.  I know that it's said that January and February are the roughest months because we are in the dead of winter, but I challenge you to put out good things and allow for good things to happen to you.